To this day I don’t know how she got my
home number, but gather her aunt was involved with the whole thing. Something was brewing in Barbara’s mind, but
I didn’t have a clue to what it was.
It was summertime when Barbara finally called
begging to meet for a counseling session at our home. This was something that I didn’t do, but
since we knew her family, reluctantly I agreed to her urgent request. Of course it triggered my husband to question
my sanity, “What were you thinking? Are YOU nuts?”
Around 2 o’clock p.m. my new client knocked
on our door. Her whole demeanor was
unsettling and I could sense her uneasiness.
My husband made himself scare to fetch us some tea, while I welcomed Barbara
into the foyer and directed her to the library where we could talk without
distraction.
Walking into the room she scanned the area
before taking a seat on the beige loveseat placing her handbag on the floor next
to her foot. Closing the door behind us I
sat across the room waiting for Barbara’s next move. I can tell you I was just
as uncomfortable not being privy to the actual matter of the visit, and made
sure I could make a dash for the door if needed.
Taking notes I observed attentively,
watching the body language of this stranger who had somehow finagled an
invitation into my home. I listened as
she went from subject to subject speaking gibberish about people, places and
events of who knows what that took place in her life so many years ago.
Nearly an hour into our session she said
something that redirected my questioning leading me to understand what was
wrong and why God sent her here.
Welcome new friends this week from:
See if your city/state/country made the list.
New on DFB – Plettenberg Bay, Western Cape, South Africa;
Liloy, Zamboanga Peninsula, Philippines; Blackburn & Southampton, England,
United Kingdom; Prague & Cheb, Karlovy Vary Region, Czech Republic; Ciudad
Victoria, Tamaulipas, Mexico; Switzerland; Haiti; Gabon; Japan; Afghanistan; Cubao,
Metro Manila, Philippines.
USA
– Byron Center, Ottawa Center, Owendale, Coopersville,
Essexville, Ferrysburg, Sebewaing & Saginaw, MI; Hanceville, Hoover,
Alabaster, North Vinemont, Battleground, Adamsville & Montgomery, AL; Davie,
Osceola, Winter Haven, Bradenton, Palm Bay, Poinciana, Hialeah, Three Lakes,
Pasco, Melbourne, Cooper City, Gulfport & Mims, FL; Porum, Pocola, Kinta,
Stigler, Spiro & Poteau, OK.
I am so thankful for your visit and hope that you come back each week to participate in the weekly challenges. Join us in our new series as we spend time in the study of Daily Favor Prayers.
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the bottom of this week’s post.
Don't miss out on this week's challenge
(below).
Dead
Silence
For
the next hour Barbara talked about her family but mainly focused on her father
as she sipped tea between accusations.
Every time his name was mentioned in the conversation she became angry
and her tone would change.
Listing
all the things that “Daddy” did, her voice began to rise with a little
inflection. It was clear that more emotions were about to kick in any second,
and they did.
When
I began lacing questions throughout her insinuations Barbara broke down and began
to cry.
“Have you ever
discussed how you feel with your father?”
“No, I could never do
that.”
Taking
advantage of the tissue box resting on the end table, she pulled one out wiping
the tears from her cheeks as she sobbed uncontrollably.
“After all these
years, why do you feel you couldn’t talk with your father and tell him how you
feel concerning all the things you mentioned?”
Standing
up as to take offense over what I suggested, with her voice rising to a shout
she announced,
“He’s dead! He’ll never know what he did to me!”
Okay then, I didn't see that coming, but immediately
I knew what to do and excused myself from the room assuring her I’d be back in
a minute.
Gone
but Not Forgotten
For
the past fifty years Barbara was harboring feelings concerning the animosity
she felt toward her father. She couldn’t
deal with the things that her Dad did to her, and it caused chaos in every male
relationship she had her entire life.
This woman couldn’t forgive and even though
“Daddy” was gone, the emotional torment drove her to do unkind, senseless
things due to her bitterness and hatred.
What this lady needed to do was direct the conversation she was having
with me toward her father, the fact that he was deceased wasn’t the problem.
Making
a quick appearance in the living room to fetch a few chairs hubby asked if I was
okay. Hearing how loud it got he wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but
reminded me he was right there if I needed help. “Aren’t you kind” … For some reason whenever I say that it comes
out in a British accent!
I
returned to the library toting a folding chair under each arm and positioned
them facing each other in the middle of the room. We were already into the second hour and who
knew how long this would take, but I was determined to help Barbara have the conversation
she needed to have in order to heal emotionally and spiritually.
Daddy
may be gone and his voice silent, but he certainly wasn’t forgotten and in a matter of minutes there
would be someone else in the room besides me.
…
and then there were three.
“What
are you doing?” Barbara asked as I took her arm leading her to the folding
chair in the center of the room.
“Sit down. You’re
about to have this conversation with your father.” I instructed. “Now picture your father sitting in this
chair (the one directly facing her). Tell him what you’ve been sharing with me.”
“But I can’t. What
should I say?”
“Just start talking …
ask him the same questions you asked me.
Go ahead. Don’t look at me, look
at him.”
Right
then I imagined Barbara thought I should be the one sitting on the couch, but
she did as I asked although it sounded strange to her.
I
moved to the side of the room behind her and out of sight so that she would
feel more comfortable in the conversation she was about to have with “Daddy”. At first Barbara was soft spoken as if she
was a child approaching her father apprehensively.
Not
long into her open discussion Barbara’s one sided conversation took a turn and
all of a sudden the father was sitting on a judgment seat. She stood and became bolder in her legal
eagle line of questioning, rattling off one after another. If you didn’t know better anyone outside the
door would swear someone else was in the room.
Another
hour went by and I didn’t intervene but watched as Barbara got up and down from
her seat. She circled the other chair
always facing it as if she could actually see her father. In between sentences she
would pause and listen before redirecting her question. The courtroom was in session and “Daddy” was
being virtually grilled on all sides.
The
Battle is Over
It
was around 5:45 p.m. when Barbara’s conversation with her father began coming
to a close. Her voice was calming and
the time between speaking became farther apart.
Then she sat down and faced him not saying anything.
With
a deep breath she sighed and stopped fighting; Barbara had not only made her
peace with her father, but she was able to forgive him. The battle was over,
and the victory was won.
Carrying
the Burden of Offense
You
know, learning to blame someone else for how our lives turn out isn’t new for
human beings. It began back in the book
of Genesis with the seed God planted in the form of man. Something happened
though and the seed became corrupt – man sinned against God.
Last
week when my husband and I were talking about grudges people hold, God brought
this account that happened back in 2002 to my attention. As I researched to see how it related to what we’re
studying I read passages in the Bible that dealt with the spirit of offense and
broken relationships.
Jesus
discussed two specific areas of offense and what we are to do. Matthew 5 (verse 23) tells us what to do when
we’re the ones doing the offending. At
that time it was written to Jewish speaking people who followed the Law of
Moses (see Leviticus).
They
came with their sacrifice to the altar for the penalty of sin. We no longer have to do that because Jesus
became our sacrifice paying the penalty for sin with His life. Now we come before the Lord in prayer which
was made available upon the sacrifice of Christ.
This
week however we’re talking about another kind of offense; Matthew 18 (verses
21-35) deals with what to do when we’re the offended. In both cases it’s our move and the answer is
always forgiveness.
When
we continue to be offended we in a sense look for someone to blame for the
reasons we sin against the Lord. As we
read in Barbara’s situation, holding a grudge is a burden that hurts the
carrier, not the other person who may not even know there is a problem. Although we are to carry one another’s
burdens, there’s no scripture to validate carrying grudges or offenses.
If
we don’t deal with it we’ll continue to blame and carry the seeds of a sinners
grudge to our grave. God wants us to acknowledge
it, deal with what we’ve done and confront it so that we can put the thing to
rest forever.
What
if I was offended?
Let’s
suppose you were totally innocent of something that happened to you. What does
Jesus say about that? The Apostle Peter
wondered the same thing when he asked the Lord, “How many times do I have to
forgive someone?”
I
think the disciple was feeling pretty generous when he suggests forgiving a person
seven times. Can you image his shock
when Jesus said 70 x 7 or 490 times? In other words Jesus meant an infinite number
of times. How often, every time, all the
time … continue to forgive.
Why
would Christ make such outlandish requests of us when it comes to
forgiveness? Grace … it’s because of God’s
grace, unmerited favor that He bestows on us each and every day.
Show
No Mercy – Receive No Mercy
Continuing
down chapter 18 in Matthew, Jesus tells of how refusing to forgive is not showing
mercy to another. In the account the man
who didn’t forgive a debt was sent to prison to be tortured because of his lack
of mercy.
The
king was outraged by the wicked slave and charging, “You should have demonstrated mercy showing compassionate favor the way
I did with you”. In anger the king
declared that he be turned over to the torturers.
The
New Living Translation says it like this:
“Then the king called in the man he
had forgiven and said,
You evil servant! I forgave you that
tremendous debt
because you pleaded with me.
Shouldn’t you have mercy on your
fellow servant,
just as I had mercy on you?”
Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured
until he had paid his entire debt.
“That’s what my heavenly Father
will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your
heart.”
(Matthew 18:21-35 NLT)
Mercy
is given when an individual doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but because of
compassion it is given anyway. We are
to show others mercy from our heart just as God did with us when He received us as His
children. That’s where
forgiveness really happens.
Delivered
to the Tormentors
It
wasn’t a mistake choosing specific terminology to set the scene of what that man
would face when he was sent to prison.
The word tormentors literally means: to be tortured physically and
emotionally; to be turned over to those who will torture.
Have
you felt such rage and animosity that it feels like a form of torture that plagues
your every waking moment? Do you over
react and harbor resentment holding onto a grudge which causes you to spiral
into a cycle of emotions? If so, then
you are being held captive by tormentors who are torturing your mind so much
that it’s affecting you physically.
Perhaps
like Barbara you tried to find ways to deal with the resentment, hatred and
bitterness against someone through seeking biblical counsel. It’s a good place to start, but it won’t
solve the problem no matter how good the advice you receive. Until you can bring yourself to deal with the
resentment, you will live in torture emotionally and never heal.
I
know some people are difficult to get along with no matter who they are around,
and often it’s because they’re dealing with some form of resentment, hatred,
jealousy or unforgiveness in their own lives.
It’s like an acid that eats away at you, and until you fully forgive
another for an offense you will not be released from the tortures.
You
know it’s time to make things right. In some
cases like Barbara’s, even death didn’t stop her torment. The mind doesn’t let it go. Is there someone you need to forgive even
though they are gone or moved out of your life? You need to release them because
God has forgiven you more times than you can count. It’s your move.
Not
to forgive will allow the torturers to live on and continue stealing your
peace. You cannot see what is happening,
but it’s destroying you. It doesn’t
matter if you’re a person with great authority, a minister, homemaker or dirt
digger, not to forgive what God has said is forgiven, is a sin and Christians
are to have no part of it.
7
Reasons Why We Should Forgive
There
are so many ways why we need to forgive but I’ll emphasize these seven reasons.
1
– We’ve learned that when we don’t we are held captive emotionally and
tormented by things that were or could have been different.
2
– Forgiveness is a form of spiritual freedom that brings peace helping us to
live physically and emotionally strong.
3
– When we forgive we are acting as a Christ image bearer being compassionate,
loving and merciful as He is.
4
– God will show favor and mercy on those who forgive others.
5
– When we do as Christ asks in forgiving others we fulfill scripture, therefore
we do the Will of God.
6
– God hears our prayers and opens doors for our vision.
7
– Most of all, when we forgive we restore our relationship with the Heavenly
Father to show that we love Him as He first loved us.
This Week’s Challenge:
Forgiving
the Great Offender
Is
there anyone in your life that you have to make things right with, whether you
have offended them like in Matthew 5 or they offended you as in Matthew 18?
Some
of you may need to forgive an ex-spouse, sibling, your own child, a former
co-worker or boss … whoever it is, deal with it. Maybe there are several people and you are on
both sides of the list as the offended and offender … as Jesus said, ‘go” take
care of the matter.
Until
our hearts are cleansed and free from all unrighteousness, (bitterness,
resentment, unforgiveness and offense) we will never be given the go ahead from
God to live out our vision. Without the
act of forgiveness, the “favor” of God fountain of blessings will literally be
cut off from our lives.
Our challenge this week is to determine that from this point on we are releasing this
feeling of offense and choose to forgive. We will make the choice to live in peace and
not remain turned over to the torturers.
We
all know unforgiving people are hard to live with; they don’t make friends
easily and create turmoil wherever they go causing barriers to form between
family, friends and neighbors. The call
on their lives is shortened, because they haven’t acted on the Word of God to
forgive as Jesus did them. They refuse
to forgive and therefore continue to offend making new offenses along their
path.
It’s
your call whether you act or hesitate to forgive any offenses in your life. Not to forgive is an act of rebellion against
God, and we certainly don’t want to go that route.
Come
to terms with what you are harboring in your heart and deal with it now before
it’s too late. Stop thinking how hard
this is going to be … remembering the cross.
Jesus became sin when He knew no sin, because of His love for us.
Determine
to form a new habit and not blame others when you have the power to get rid of
the problem by forgiving. Stop planting offensive
grudge seeds; start living blessed as God planned for your life.
Real
forgiveness is a true act of love. In return you will live in harmony with
others and new doors of favor will be opened unto you.
“And he said, “O Lord, if it is true that I
have found favor with You, then please travel with us (on this earthly
journey). Yes, this is a stubborn and rebellious people, but please forgive
our iniquity and our sins. Claim us as Your own special possession.”
(Exodus 34:9 NLT emphasis mine)
The
most Christ-like thing we can do is to forgive.
Praise God, His mercy – unmerited loving favor, endures forever.
His Love Endures Forever by Chris Tomlin
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post.
Until next time, give
favor by showing mercy in forgiveness!
“Forgiveness is an act of mercy I favor.”
Jesus Christ
*Unless
noted, the names in articles are changed to protect the individual(s) privacy.
Note: Emphasis
is given in some scriptures to show clarity or understanding and is not to take
away from the inspirited Word of God.
Disclaimer:
Article information is not meant to be used as treatment for mental or physical
issues, but geared toward spiritual awareness.
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Breaking the Cycle of Offense by Dr. Larry Ollison
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