Roughing It Out

Do you have people in your life that constantly rub you the wrong way?  You know what I mean … the ones that bring storms with them all the time?  

I have a term for those types of personalities called, “sandpaper people.” 

There are several kinds of these individuals or should I say, “levels” instead.  Just like there are different grades of sandpaper, there are levels to these personalities.  They range from smooth to really rough and abrasive.  

If we had to be around sandpaper people I would venture to say that we would all prefer the smoothest grade, right?  But that’s not how it works.

God sends (allows) people in our lives that will ruffle our feathers as a test of our faith and integrity as believers in Christ.  He uses “sandpaper” personalities to refine us in becoming better servants and leaders for the Kingdom of God. 

Believe it or not, if you don’t have anyone in your life that rubs you the wrong way, then either you aren’t being molded for greater things of God, or you are the sandpaper.  At times, you can even be both!

Life as a Christian isn’t supposed to be a bed of roses and easy going all the time.  We should expect good and even great favor filled days, but as long as we are here on earth there will be trials that try to form against us.  Knowing who you are in Christ Jesus takes care of the sandpaper people.

“No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that rises against you in judgment you will condemn.  This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of Me,” says the LORD. (Isaiah 54:17 NKJV)

Thankfully, we have a weapon in the Word of God to shield us from the work of satan. God has promised us victory favor over circumstances.  We need the "roughing it out" battle in order to experiece the favor of God that leads to a victory!  So come on sandpaper people, take your best shot!

“These things I (Jesus) have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NKJV)

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B.A.R. Hopping

It was Thanksgiving Day, a time when family and friends usually gather for a wonderful time of reflection of the blessings they have in their lives. 

What a time it would be for everyone; and the family had even been invited to dinner at two homes, unfortunately they had to decline.  

Counting their blessings should have been going on, but instead it was a gloomy day and Arlene had to work. Things could have been different for this family, but the course of events over the past week changed what should have been a relaxing day. 

You would have never known that the husband and wife loved Jesus by their attitudes or behavior.  What both had been doing for some time lately was B.A.R. hopping, and their misery was starting to show to everyone around them. 

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Not the Bar Scene You’re Thinking

Right from the start I can imagine what you are thinking from the title of this article “B.A.R. Hopping," as in people who go from one drinking place to another on a regular basis.  I wasn’t sure how to get people’s attention concerning this particular subject that I’m about to discuss, when the acronym dropped into my thinking … B.A.R. 

Let me say this, it’s not what you think.  Did you automatically start thinking this is a judgmental post for those who frequent local drinking establishments?  That thought may have brought you into the same B.A.R.

I'd like to clarify that what I’m presenting in this article has nothing to do with beverages of choice. 

The topic of drinking or visiting town pubs isn’t what’s this is about; that’s an entirely different thing.  However, I will tell you that the word B.A.R. fits perfectly.  

Let me unwrap the story for you.  When I discuss things in my writing it’s for a purpose. The people (whose names are always changed) have given permission or are aware that I feel it may be beneficial to others if I share something that has happened in their lives.

The Work  

Now back to our “loving” family… Bill sets his hours at work, so his schedule is pretty much his own.  His wife, on the other hand doesn’t enjoy such a flexible agenda.  For years Arlene worked outside the home and loved what she did.  She had a pretty good income which permitted her husband to expand his own business. 

With the present economy being such as it is, she now works out of her home. Usually Arlene can work around whatever is happening with her family, and often works at night when everyone is in bed.  

Hoping to have Thanksgiving off she needed to work longer hours in the beginning of the week.  Bill didn’t take into consideration what his wife needed to do so their family could spend a holiday weekend together, and kept his schedule to fit his own desires. 

Arlene asked Bill if he could work half a day on Monday, but he insisted working long hours.  On Tuesday she asked him again, once more he said he had to finish a project so he didn’t have to work on Friday.  Not only did he work late, but he took almost two hours off to go to lunch with a friend. 

When he got home that night the place where he was working said they had a problem.  What was wrong?  The Christmas lights he had hung weren’t working, so Bill told them he would come fix them on Wednesday after grocery shopping. 

When his wife asked if he could call them to see if they had fixed the problem on their own, he refused saying he didn’t want it hanging over his head.   

All she asked him to do was call.  When Bill didn’t listen she popped out to the B.A.R. once more, which prevented her from concentrating and getting any work done.  When he went back to check the lights he found out that they had resolved the problem and he wasn’t needed after all. 

Wednesday night instead of letting his wife get some work done, he sat and watched television until 1:30 am.  Here the problem was with them both being in the same room, so Arlene couldn’t listen to anything she needed to research.  By now she was too tired to start work.  Getting ready to go to bed the couple had an argument,  but this time Bill took to visiting the B.A.R. 

Thanksgiving morning was a shambles with the entire house not wanting to say a word to “upset” anyone; even the pets kept their distance.  It’s about time for some intervention. 

Spiritual Intervention 

When this couple presented themselves to me I realized there were some deep underlying problems that neither wanted to face.   I knew the couple was having marital issues for some time; thankfully it wasn’t that they wanted out of the relationship.  So what was the real problem that was causing each of them to daily frequent the B.A.R.?   

Bill was never in the mood to discuss anything and certainly wasn’t open to family counseling.  This isn’t new, most of the time when I schedule couples for sessions the husband refuses to come or only agrees to a few sessions. So how could I reach this man?  Was this a waste of time for the wife? 

We’ve Been Called for A Purpose 

Around the middle of the week I talked to the Lord about what has been spiritually happening to so many Christian couples lately. 

Continuing in my studies my eyes focused on something the Apostle Paul said during the time young Timothy was appointed as Bishop.  It was while he was writing to the church in Thessalonica about the call of God on the Body of Christ. 

What is the calling Paul was talking about when he addressed the church at Thessalonica and Christian’s now?  As believers in Christ, Paul admonishes that we endure trials and tribulations with faith and patience.  In doing so, the Righteousness of God is shown counting us worthy of the Kingdom of God, because others have come to believe our testimony of what Christ has done in our own lives.

It’s sad, but society believes what they see Christians do, not what we say we believe. That’s why it’s so important we act on what we say we believe.

Paul also shared that he prayed that God would count all of them worthy of this calling; that is, the fulfilling of the work of Christ by faith through the power of the Holy Spirit.  The “calling” and the works we do are to bring glory to the Lord Jesus by the grace (favor) He has given to each person who has received salvation. (from 2 Thessalonians chapter 1)

While sitting at the kitchen table I distinctly heard three words that are stopping the Body of Christ from accomplishing what God has set before them in life (their individual calling).  That’s when it came together.

Bitterness, Anger, Resentment aka The B.A.R. 

Just as alcohol hinders people from moving forward causing them to stumble, so does bitterness, anger and resentment.  Stepping up to the bar is much different than raising the bar in our expectations in life, but both aspects can fog the mind and be deceiving when they include selfishness. 

Like everyone else there are things that cause me to get angry, and it happened again this week. You can stop gasping now and looking so shocked.

When that happens I ask God to take me out of my B.A.R. feelings so I can see things in a different light.  In other words, let me see why I’m really feeling like I am. That’s what I did and He showed me why I got angry.  I was feeling resentful over something that keeps happening to me from a certain individual.   

The problem wasn’t that I was angry, because I didn’t act on the emotion (so I thought) causing me to sin.  Jesus knew there would be times when we got angry, but His command was that we don’t let that anger turn into action that would cause us to sin.   

Every time I get angry immediately these passages pop up in my head. 

“Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah.” (Psalm 4:4)

“Don’t let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error (you didn’t mean to sin). Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands?” (Ecclesiastes 5:6)

“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26)

Normally I don’t get angry, but when I do it’s usually for another reason (such as being stressed, tired, etc.) that tends to make the situation intensified.  As I said, the problem wasn’t that I got angry. The Lord revealed to me that I sinned when my anger turned into resentment, because this person didn’t respect what I do for a living. This individual continually tries to sabotage my work and I had reached my limit this time.

Hitting the Feelings B.A.R.

Arlene was facing a similar situation with her husband Bill.  For their entire marriage Bill has always seemed bitter or angry at something.  She is tired of his anger issues and is feeling resentful that her career is taking a back seat to his whims.  It’s more complicated than that, but together they hit the feelings B.A.R. on a regular basis.

The Lord showed me how each of them has a call on their lives to do something for God, but neither are doing what they know they should be doing.  As a result, both are not happy, so it comes out in ways of bitterness, anger and resentfulness.

The B.A.R. Removes God’s Favor

The Bible tells about a time when King Saul was very active in the “feelings B.A.R.”, so much that God removed His favor from the first King of Israel. 

His Royal Highness became even more wicked after the Lord revealed to Saul that David was going to be next in line for the throne. The King went into hot pursuit spending all his days trying to find ways to steal, kill and destroy the next heir to the throne.

David’s call by God would allow him to bring the bloodline of Christ into this world. King Saul would be a metaphor of satan and what Jesus talked about in John 10:10, only this took place over a thousand years before He was born.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that

they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10 NRSV) 

Jonathan, the King’s own son, accepted that David was to take his place in ruling over God’s chosen people. Prince Jonathan did whatever he could to walk out his calling, which was to protect young David from his very own father (King Saul). He was counted as righteous, worthy of the Kingdom of God and worthy of the call on his life.

Prince Jonathan wasn’t distraught because of all the trials and tribulations he had in his life. He forgave his father even after Saul tried killing him when he took David’s side. Jonathan was a warrior for His Heavenly Father and his earthly father, with whom he fought beside in battle.

This individual understood God’s calling. Instead of going to the feelings bar and drinking in bitterness, anger or resentfulness over David receiving his birthright, my husband said Jonathan became a “teetotaler” and drank in the plan of God with gladness.

As a result of following the call of God, Jonathan received favor from the Lord and so did his children after his death. I wonder what God would have done for King Saul in his lifetime had he gotten on board with His plan.  Favor skipped him, but his grandson ended up back in the palace with King David.  How’s that for rerouting favor?

Forgiveness is the cure for:

anger-rage-resentment-bitterness-disappointment-

guilt-pain-injured hearts-hurt-hatred-grief

and so much more!

Forgiveness & B.A.R. Visits

I don’t know what’s going to happen to the couple in our story, but I do know that if they don’t get in line with God’s plan they’ll continue to "B.A.R. hop" and probably will add a few more emotions in the mix.  I do know that as long as they’re in this mode and mood without forgiving one another, there will be limited or no favor from God and mankind falling on them.

It’s easy to get caught up in bad feelings or emotions, especially when things don’t seem to be going as we hoped.  We may start out visiting feelings of bitterness, but it we’re not careful we’ll keep making stops at all our negative emotions until our faith and testimony are of no effect as a Christian. 

Believers in Jesus Christ must understand that feelings both good and bad are part of life, but forgiveness and rejecting negative emotions are not an option. They are mandatory if favor from God is to flow in our lives.

Stop B.A.R. Hopping

When I talked to my husband about how I could get this message across all he said was, “That couple is a mess!”  When I asked what he would do next he said, “I don’t know, I seem to be visiting some of those places myself lately.”

I said let’s look at this in perspective. You be King Saul and I’ll be Prince Jonathan.  I thought it was quite funny, but he didn’t think so.

Then I changed my mind.  Jonathan was willing to put all his earthly goods and emotions aside for someone who wasn’t even kin.  He stood by David who had God’s favor on his life, and he didn’t abandon his Dad who was the poster child for B.A.R. hopping when it came to how he hated David with a vengeance.

Obviously I’m not there yet, but because of Jesus the Jonathan tendencies are hidden within waiting to come forth in my life as a child of the real KING.  There was something God did say to me though and He wrapped it up in one word – HOPE.

There is hope for all who have the desire to walk out the call on their life so Jesus is glorified, and others are brought to the saving knowledge of Him. We have to cling to that hope if others are to believe our testimony and turn to Christ.   

This Week’s Challenge:

Close the B.A.R. 

Let’s face it, as long as we are in these earth suits we’re going to have fleshy feelings that could get us into trouble if we don’t take hold of them.

Bitterness, anger and resentment will stop God from extending grace, favor, blessings and mercy on us. We have to search for the Jonathan seed planted deep in our spirit and forgive others, so that God will count us worthy of this calling on our lives.

The challenge this week: If you find that you are about to walk into the negative feelings B.A.R. take hold of who you are in Christ and close the B.A.R. door immediately.

Remember this so that you don’t let hurtful feelings cause you to sin.

“I am a prisoner of the Lord and will walk worthy of the calling to which I am called. (from Ephesians 4:1)

I will forgive and walk in unity with God and my brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter how I feel or what others say or do against me.

Like Jonathan, by faith and the power of the Holy Spirit I will do what I’m called to do for God and fulfill all the good pleasure (favor) of His goodness in my life.”

As soon as you feel yourself getting angry or any feelings that might cause you to sin, tell yourself this even if you have to say it out loud:

“I’m not walking into that negative feelings B.A.R. again; it is closed for good. I’ve shut down the power it has to strip me of my inheritance from God and His favor on my life.”

God brought the word “hope” to my attention for a specific reason. We have to believe that our best days are ahead of us and can’t quit now thinking this is all there is to life.

Although we may be dealing with things that trigger emotions the devil would have us act on, we have the assurance that God is still there guiding us through each situation.

There is hope in front of those who believe and act on the Word of God.

For those who believe what they say they believe by faith, they will see hope manifested through the works of the Holy Spirit and favor.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes,

it is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12 NKJV) 

This week also remember to pray for families, couples and individuals who have demonstrated visitation rights to the bad feelings B.A.R. Pray that God will reveal to them the reason behind those feelings and that they will be empowered by the Holy Spirit to conquer them.

I leave you with this prayer as Paul did,

“Therefore I also pray always for you that our God would count you

worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of His goodness

and the work of faith with power.” (2 Thessalonians 1:11 NKJV)

There’s Hope in Front of Me by Danny Gokey

If this article has encouraged or helped you please consider sharing it by using the social media icons provided at the end of this post.

Until next time, God’s favor stops outside the B.A.R.!

“Negative feelings cancel out My favor.”

Jesus Christ 

Note: The words satan or devil are not capitalized deliberately, because we give him no place in our lives.

Disclaimer: Article information is not meant to be used as treatment for mental or physical issues, but geared toward spiritual awareness.

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Choosing Forgiveness: Turning from Guilt, Bitterness and

Resentment towards a Life of Wholeness and Peace

by John Loren and Paula Sandford

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Inward Journey

“The year 2014 is the year of Journey” was the proclamation I made at the end of 2013.  It was something that the Holy Spirit had revealed to me many months ago. 

I’m fully aware that we’re on a journey here on earth.

However, everything I’ve been studying, heard or watched seemed to be pointing to getting back on track so God could do things in my life that are greater than I could ask or think.

For those who want to take the journey on the road less traveled, we believe it will be a year of spiritual change, growth and opportunity.  It isn’t about mystics, cults, quests or “spirituality,” but drawing nearer to Jesus Christ so that His plan for our lives can be revealed and completed.

It’s not uncommon for people to look back on the year and take stock as to whether or not they had a successful one.  I’m among that lot and did the same, hoping I would have been farther along than I am in meeting some of my life goals.

When I was in my study time the Lord showed me that there were some things that needed tending to if I were to proceed further and reach new heights in all areas of my life.  This would require me to take a look at my inner thoughts, which are the basis of why and how I do things.  If my actions didn’t line up with God’s Word, I needed to know why they didn’t and what I could do to change my responses so they would.

I suppose it wasn’t a coincidence that He started with the letter “A” and continued through the entire alphabet with things that needed a bit of disciplining in my behavior.

Let me take you back a few days to where this all started ... Sunday night.

Angry Words

Angry words can lead to sin.

Things were going well and Christmas Day was totally relaxing, then came Thursday. No we didn’t miss Christmas, but carrying out that sense of calmness sort of “flew” out the window. 

As many of you know last weekend was a pretty big one for us preparing for activities which included a concert. By the time we got home I was really exhausted and just wanted to sleep.  No problem… my husband let me do so. 

Early evening I awoke to overhear a conversation my beloved had with my sister.  In it he was responding to what must have been a question as to how things went that morning.  “Good” he told her, and went into a little of the details.

Now you would have thought that was the proper response, and normally I would have said the same thing.  Not so. I could feel myself getting upset and started to shut down emotionally.  How could he say everything went OK when I could hardly sing the first few songs?

Let me explain. About fifteen minutes into the program, my husband clued me in that I was standing under the heater vent and that’s why my throat literally went dry.  I was guzzling down water (hoping not to burp) and it wasn’t helping.

He had to take over the introductions and “howdy’s”, which is usually what I do for him.  After I moved to another area my voice came back and we were able to continue like nothing happened.

So why was I disturbed about what he said?  Here comes another excuse …

That morning I woke up tired and really anxious (so much so I couldn’t eat anything).  Hoping to eat after the butterflies left, I packed a spoon and butternut squash to eat so I wouldn’t get woozy or lightheaded.

By the time we got to the location it got worse.  When I told my husband about my jitters he said it made him nervous, which he wasn’t and normally isn’t.  Great, now who is going to be the grown-up?

I was embarrassed about a situation I couldn’t control. To shorten the writing about this undisciplined action, our uneasiness carried on until 11:30 pm.  We weren’t fighting (we were too tired), but the mood wasn’t right.  What a way to end a day of worship.

I already knew that my inward journey was about to begin before the New Year started.

Exercising Against Anxiety & Anger Pangs

We must learn when and how to respond correctly.

You’ve heard of growing pains, well sometimes we have anxiety or anger “pangs” that really want to surface in situations we can’t control.

What does that make us?  Normal … normal creatures that have bursts of fleshy feelings like every person on earth has.

Dealing with anxiety, anger and disappointment is where our inward journey to God begins.  It’s one that ranks highly on most people’s list actually, even if that’s not their usual nature.  Generally I don’t get angry, but I can get ticked off when things get out of my control.  I do have an issue with getting anxious if something doesn’t go like I planned. Sound familiar?

Being able to get angry and sin not is really hard, but Jesus says it can be done in Ephesians 4:26.  One of my students once said to me jokingly, that she knew she had to forgive her husband, but wasn’t ready to let go of her anger.  Can you relate to that?

Christ also tells us in Philippians 4:6 that we aren’t to be anxious over anything.

Maybe you’re not like me, but most of the teacher’s I know tend to deal with this issue more than some others.  Anxiety can easily turn to anger if it isn’t stopped right away. Seems this is an area that needs work.

Learning to live a disciplined spiritual life takes practice and work like exercising, but thankfully we have the Word of God to help us. What I’d like to do in the first part of the year is share with you the things Christian’s sometime struggle with when trying not to act out on their anger or anxiety.

Here We Go, Again …

 In trying not to sin when we get angry or anxious, we have to make ourselves do things that we naturally don’t want to do as “flesh” beings. 

One way to do that is going back to the basics of exercising being still before the Lord.

When our soul is “born again” our flesh nature isn’t.   Understanding this, we must break our old flesh habits that keep us from achieving all God wants for us.  This is where spiritual exercising has to become so strong it overtakes our old way of thinking and doing things.

“Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives’ tales.  Instead, train yourself to be godly.  Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” (1Timothy 4:7-8 NLT)

Exercising isn’t something on my top ten list of things to do, and I’d love to use this verse as an excuse not to do it. However, the apostle Paul wasn’t referring to our physical bodies needing a workout, but used a comparison to our spiritual body.  We all need to keep fit, but in the end all physical bodies expire.  The spirit body lives forever, and that’s why we need to focus on the spiritual things of this life and eternity.

A spiritually disciplined lifestyle leads to favor from God and mankind when we submit to His will.

Psalm 46:10 tells us to be still and know He is God.  We need to discipline our inner life so we can hear direction from the Lord.  Christians tend to skip through their life journey like kids learning very little about spiritual discipline, because we don’t pause long enough see anything through. 

Inward Starting Point ~ the Heart

It starts in the heart.

So what inward changes do we need to make on this journey we call life in overcoming anxiety, anger or discouragement?  Here are five things you can do starting now.

1)  Start off in the spirit of calmness. This year let’s avoid getting caught up in the pressures of life that causes us to get angry.  Begin the first few moments of the day by spending time with God in prayer and being still before Him.  Listen your way to a good day!  It may prevent you from getting into trouble.

“You (God) will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You.” (Isaiah 26:3 NLT)

2) Avoid being contentious at all costs. At times we have relationships that are contentious and we tend to act out in anger rather than see things the way God does.  Do a quick “God help” prayer before you say or do anything.

“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.” (Colossians 4:2 NLT) 

When you sense something is about to fly out of control, ask the Lord to reveal to you why you’re feeling uncomfortable about the situation.  When we don’t pray we give up our power over the situation.

What’s causing you to get angry or what happened to trigger your anger?  Why are you suddenly feeling anxious or uneasy?

Recognizing these signs will help you change the way you respond, even if you are angry or anxious.  We can’t stop from having moments of anger or anxiety at times, but we can stop them from turning into sin by not acting on our feelings.

3) Make positive confessions followed with proper actions that will lead you to inner peace.  The Bible teaches us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 

If we have a clean heart, good things will come out in our speaking that lead to God’s blessings.

This isn’t a “positive thinking” method I’m talking about, but a change of words that brings about outward positive results.  Acting on scripture in obedience pleases the Lord and keeps us at peace with Him.  It’s about strengthening our relationship with our Savior.

4) Don’t get discouraged over your progress.  Think back on how you used to respond to a situation similar to this and how far you have come since then.

The inward journey that we want to explore has to do with our relationship with Jesus Christ and learning to be more like Him.  Second Corinthians 4 verses16 -18 tells us not to give up and get discouraged along the route, because we are working toward a greater joy than the things here on earth.

We have to remind ourselves that this is a process and renewing of our mind is something we must do daily.  If you slip a bit, don’t go on a guilt trip.  Get back on the right path for your journey by disciplining yourself in what you’ve learned from the Word of God.

5) Ask God in prayer to give you a heart that wants to receive from Him and His Word.  Pray that your heart is trained and transformed. 

“Therefore, let all the godly pray to You while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.” (Psalm 32:6 NLT)

Remember we are working from the inside out.  Inward to outward transformation, so it will take time.

As part of the inward journey changes, make a confession that starting now these are the steps I will make in taking control over and disciplining my anger and anxiety. 

I will have: A spirit of calmness; Avoid contention; Positive confessions; say I won’t quit; Pray to receive transformation.

If we are to receive the favor, blessings and mercy from God, we have to do our part. Challenges reveal who you really are, so remind yourself that you are doing better.  Take joy in knowing that God’s blessings are already on you to succeed.

None but Jesus by Hillsong with lyrics

Until next time, may God give you favor for the inward journey.

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Scripture reference was taken from the New King James Bible Version provide by GatewayBible
Image credit: GoogleImages Creative Common License.  Angry Words Image Credit Turning Point Ministries.